Loneliness and Terror

I find people everywhere who are in some kind of pain or bitterness over the things that have happened in their lives as children or as parents and they are often carrying the pain and bitterness and it effects every relationship in their lives.

I am going to share some of the horrendous things I suffered in my child hood and how I survived and how I have walked away a free man through my encounter and relationship with Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and am now able to forgive and let the past go and walk in fellowship with the living God. As I talk with hurting people by telephone or in person or on the internet many memories come back to me, here’s one that came back recently.

Child-Of-Woe-Screen-Shot2As a child I was confined to the boys bedroom upstairs in the dark, I was not allowed to go down stairs, if the old man, (my stepfather) ever caught me down there when he came home from the bar my life would be in jeopardy. I would often sneak out of the dark bedroom, when I knew he wasn’t home yet, and sit on the landing at the top of the stairs, in the dark, and just look out the window. I always had to be on the alert because I never knew when he would be coming home from the bar and if he caught me out there he would beat and curse me.

My thoughts were many as I sat alone in the dark, “I have nothing to live for, why, can’t I just die? I’m of no value, mom suffers because of me, I felt that I was just like a piece of garbage that should be thrown out into the garbage dump.

Child-Of-Woe-boots-up-stairs

I then would hear the kitchen door slam and him cursing and I would quickly and quietly get up and retreat back into the black hole, (the bedroom) and wait for him to come up the stairs, cursing me, to beat me or just stand in the door and call me foul names, that as a child, I didn’t even understand.

The loneliness and terror, so impacted my life, during those early years, of my child hood and how often I prayed to God to kill me yet, I didn’t really want to die, I just wanted a way out of the loneliness and terror that I was experiencing on a daily basis.

How I thank God for his love and care through those frightful years.   Maybe you have been there in your experience, touch base with me,  check out our movie, at child of woe you tube. I would love to hear from you. I will be posting more of my experiences and how God transformed my life!

E-mail me at btmaury@sentex.net  I would be glad to hear from you. MORE TO COME!